Spring Clean Collage

(Photo Courtesy: Madame Noir)


I’ve been putting off cleaning my apartment all week. I’ve been busy with work, family and personal endeavors and have  stepped over the mess on my floor on my way out of the door to other activities. But this morning, I woke up before the sun came up, to finally spring clean my living space. I scrubbed the floors, cleaned the closets and organized my desk. I tossed out what I once thought were important papers but never read after stuffing them in my junk drawer. I bagged clothes for Good Will that I never found the perfect accessory for at the mall.


While I organized my home life, I wondered if I should toss some things out of my dating life. I decided to throw out some thoughts about the past. I can no longer look at a college sweetheart’s social media page and wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with the person today–when I’m no longer commitment phobic. For every time, there is a season. And this is the season to spring clean. Here are four faulty habits you may want to put in the dating dumpster.


1. Dispose of  Facebook Stalking Ways 

It’s normal to Google someone you meet, but hold off on becoming their Facebook friend, especially if you make personal posts. Keep a little bit of mystery in the mix. Get to know each other the old-fashioned way before opening the door to the world-wide web and a world of information. Also, don’t create a false friendship. Just because you know what music the person listens to on Spotify, what hangouts the person checked in at through a map app and what vacation pictures the person uploaded on Instagram doesn’t mean you’re a friend. It’s just means you’re slightly stalkerish-in an nonthreatening kind of way of course. Besides, you may slip and ask how her grandmother’s 90th birthday bash turned out and the person never told you she was attending the party.


2. Remove Statements Such as No Good Men or Women Are Left 

Remember dating is sometimes about quantity. But dating that leads to marriage is about quality. You don’t have to meet 100 Mr. or Mrs. Rights. You only need to connect with one perfect person. Perfect in the sense that he/she is perfect for you. It’s a major turnoff when I meet a man who says all women are out for his money. I correct him by saying that all the women you are dating are out for your money, not all women in general. I also hate to hear women proclaiming that all men are dogs, or even more upsetting, that all good black men are married.


3. Trash Trash Talking on Yourself

I have a friend who announced that it was written in stone that she will always be single. With that attitude, I’m sure she will be by herself for years to come. Sometimes singles act as though finding a date is an extremely unrealistic task, like walking on the moon or performing brain surgery. Nothing is more unattractive than someone who thinks they are unattractive–inside or out. People may feel sorry for you. People may even have sex with you. But those same people won’t respect you. You can’t expect someone to think higher of yourself than you do.


4. Toss Out an Eager Attitude

It’s natural to express an interest. But being overly eager could cause you to smother someone and scare the person away before getting to know you. I’m attracted to men who have a life outside of me. Of course, I want someone to want to spend time with me. However, i also want someone who has friends, interests and activities. If someone is too pressed, I start to feel suffocated. They rush into a relationship, overanalyze everything I say or expect for me to check in regularly when we just met. You should be genuine and honest just not too transparent in the beginning. Wait to see if the initial excitement continues over time before you end something prematurely because you come off a bit desperate.


5. Find Your Fears and Face Them

My favorite part about spring cleaning is finding money in pockets and purses and memorabilia in boxes. This morning, I found a 5th grade progress report that stated that I scored a 96% in reading and an 89% in math on a state standardized test–well above state and national averages. It was a nice reminder of my greatness. But sometimes I’m not super confident and used to fear that I would be by myself forever. I’ve since faced that fear. Perhaps your fear is a fear of abandonment, intimacy or commitment  Reflect on who you are and what you really want, and face any fears that might hold you back.


Hey DFTM Singles–What relationship junk will you toss out during your spring cleaning?

About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

4 Responses

  1. GG

    Great advice! I particularly love the one about the statements we make and the things we say about ourselves. I really wish everyone could realize how much we pigeon hole ourselves this way. Thinking positively and speaking hopeful things makes us feel vulnerable and it’s hard to get comfortable with that but it’s so necessary.

  2. Janeane Davis

    I haven’t dated in 23 years, but there is some good advice here for married people to check out also! Thanks for sharing good ideas.

  3. Myesha

    Spring is the time I usually meet someone who sparks my interest but it never lasts more than a few weeks or months. This year I will check all intentions involved and be more discriminate overall. Great reminders thanks!

    • newmom0608

      lol…guess that’s why someone coined the term “spring fling!”


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