Mom of the Week: Mocha Moms, Inc. Co-Founder

Cheli English Figaro is an Ivy League alum.  She holds dual degrees from Yale University and Columbia’s School of Law.  She’s a former Charles Evans Hughes Fellow–a highly competitive program.  She went on to work at the corporate law firm of Sherman and Sterling, and over the years, she graced the pages of Ebony Magazine, The Washington Post, and a host of other major publications.  She’s also Diary of a First Time Mom’s first mother to be honored as DFTM’s Mom of the Week.  But her biggest accomplishment of all was becoming a stay-at-home mom.

Some people thought she was crazy when she walked away from a prestigious position and didn’t return to her law office postpartum. According to her father, anyone could raise a child, so why not hire a sitter. Although she wasn’t a stereotypical TV mom like June Cleaver, who spent most of the day baking and cleaning, she ignored that advice and made a big sacrifice for a small baby.  It didn’t take long to reach out to other women, to seek support and set up play dates for their children.  And what started out as a newsletter turned into a national organization with thousands of members.

How did you come up with the idea to start Mocha Moms, Inc.?
There was an absolute need for it. The idea came together collectively as a group, but it was the brainchild of a Caucasian woman named Dia. Dia was friends with an African-American mom named Jolene who complained about not having other African-American stay-at-home moms as friends. So, Dia suggested that she start a newsletter. I contacted Jolene after reading the newsletter. I had tons of stay-at-home moms as friends through different organizations and church groups. I was also very involved in La Leche League. I suggested a play group, which evolved into a support group with the help of two other women, who later became co-founders as well. It can be very lonely during the day, since preschoolers have a limited vocabulary. Moms need someone to talk to that they can relate to. They need a mentor. They need company. They need Mocha Moms.

What are the benefits for members?
There are tons of benefits of being a Mocha Mom. In addition to support meetings where members discuss pertinent topics, chapters host moms only night outs and kids socials and organize community service projects. Members can use and develop leadership and management skills. Mocha moms also receive information-packet bulletins via email with tips, articles, recipes, and news from chapters nationwide as well as access to a Members Only section of the website. We also put on national, regional, and state conferences.

What are some of the benefits of one parent staying at home?
There are quite a number of benefits, although most are not necessarily to parent.  As a stay-at-home mom, you’re tired, especially in the beginning.  You don’t get a coffee break.  You’re on 24/7.  But there is a big benefit to the family.  When my husband and I had a baby, he got kicked out of the military nursery for crying so much.  He was a handful.  We started to look for childcare but decided it would be best if I stayed home.  My father asked if I was crazy, because I had two Ivy League degrees and worked at a law firm.  He said anyone could raise a baby.  Besides, my mother and my mother-in-law were never stay-at-home moms.  Despite this, my husband and I decided that I should stay home. This allowed him to work late and quickly rise through the military ranks.  He didn’t have to pick up the kids from school or daycare, take them to doctor’s appointments, or anything like that, so he could focus on his career.  Although stay-at-home moms aren’t working per say, they add a ton of money to the economy.  They are volunteering, serving as den mothers and PTA presidents, and performing other types of jobs that would otherwise have to be compensated.  Both the family and community benefit.

Mocha Moms chapters have two mandatory projects per calendar year.  We work to close the gap on minority achievement.  Children need to see their moms giving back to the community.  We need to model this.  It’s important to show not tell.  Our kids need to see us working toward the betterment of others.  It’s also good for the moms to have a place  to put their energy.  Many members are very well-educated, doers, movers, and shakers.

My grandmothers and mother were all stay-at-home moms, in part due to the economic climate and ability to raise children on one income. How has that changed? What percentage of African-American moms stay-at-home?
That’s impossible to get. The way the Census Bureau defines it, I was never an at home mom. A stay-at-home mom in their eyes is someone who is not earning an income at all. And a lot of moms are actually work-at-home moms. I had three children, all at different school, and at one point, I was home schooling them. When other people do these jobs for your children, they get paid for their services. When you do it for your own children, it’s called being lazy. And just because you stay-at-home doesn’t mean you have to be a Martha Stuart. Of course, nothing is wrong with that. Bake a cake. It just doesn’t have to be from scratch. Some moms look for justification for staying at home. Black women don’t have a lot of stay-at-home role models. Growing up, I never saw a television show with a stay-at-home mom of color to model after. I want women to know it’s OK to stay at home. They don’t have to look for a reason to explain their decision to critics.

When people hear the name Mocha Moms, they usually picture a group of African-American mothers. Is membership based solely on race?
No, anyone who wants to join is welcome. We don’t discriminate against race, class or religion. Some men have even joined the organization. Also, you don’t have to be a stay-at-home mom to be a member. Some chapters have members who work full-time. They still want to network and talk about their common interests: their children.

Do you think there is a need for online communities targeting mothers of color? Are there any parenting issues that are unique?
Moms of color talk about a lot of things unique to them, such what happens to black boys in school and how teachers discriminate against them. Hair care is also a big topic. They talk about whether or not to get their daughters’ hair permed or to keep it natural. They talk about making sacrifices and working multiple jobs. Even the men need support in this area. They need to know that they are not the only black men who are working one or two jobs. Many Mocha Moms have part-time gigs. They have home based businesses, work flex time, and help run their households, which is difficult to do in this economy, so they have to contribute to the income coming in. Even in the age of Obama, there is a lot of racism. Education is what is going to keep us moving forward. When educated mothers of colors decide they are not going to use that education and stay at home and take care of a baby, most people are not going to support that. Black women raise their children, especially their girls to believe they need to make sure that they can take care of themselves. It’s not like it’s not true.

If you would like to join a Mocha Moms chapter or become a general member, log onto www.mochamoms.org                        

Coming up this week on Diary of a First Time Mom, a former New York Mocha Mom member tells us why she decided to charter a chapter in her hometown.  

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