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Dear Diary,

My entire life I was taught to get married first and have sex second. Obviously, that didn’t play out. Nonetheless, I always associated sex with guilt. I felt guilty for committing a sin and for fornicating with someone who wasn’t my husband. I felt like I somehow blocked my blessings in life, because I wasn’t following my mom’s instructions or God’s for that matter. Although I do believe sex is meant for certain situations, I carried a sense of shame, like I was a failure because I couldn’t abstain as long as I had hoped. Even within a committed, monogamous relationship, I was never 100 percent comfortable with sex. Yes, it was enjoyable–even amazing at times. But it was still a cardinal sin. Sex before marriage isn’t really acceptable, especially within the Black church. Yet, instead of educating young girls–and boys–on why they should put off intimacy, the finger is always waved and the fist of judgement is often pounded. It wasn’t until I had sex after baby that my experience changed. While many moms say sex was better before baby, my sex life improved. It got better in part because I no longer wore a veil of shame. In fact, everyone saw where the sun doesn’t shine. And I was comfortable, stretch marks and somewhat sagging nursing breasts and all. I knew that sex wasn’t as bad as I thought. That my baby was part of God’s plan for my life. Now, I’m sure life may have been a bit easier–emotionally and financially–if I gave birth beside a loving, supportive husband. But that wasn’t the case. I was still forgiven and blessed abundantly.

The next time around, I would like to do things differently, for various reasons. Yes, marriages sometimes end in divorce, but I still believe in the institution, rather the covenant between a man, woman and God. Funny, I spoke to one of my close friends this week, and she said she too had a mental block when it came to sex and orgasms, which eventually disappeared months into her marriage. But one thing is for certain, sex after baby for this mom got a whole lot more interesting.

I sat down with my friends Dr. Drai to find out if sex after baby gets better or worse for most moms.

Hey DFTM Fam–Got questions about sex, pregnancy or intimacy? Tweet @DrDaiOBGYN. Be sure to use our hashtag in your messages #TMITuesdays

About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

3 Responses

    • Heather Hopson

      Yes! Society makes sex such a taboo topic. Just because people don’t talk abut it doesn’t mean they’re not doing it. The more we know, the more we can make wise decisions or get the support/advice we need.

      Reply
  2. MJ
    MJ

    Great video. LOL at that watermelon. I didn’t push one of those out but post c-section, sex was the furthest thing from my mind and now almost 8 months later it still is. I learned something new about breastfeeding and libido! I’m sure that’s part of my issue plus exhaustion and parenting on my own 95% of the time due to my hubs work schedule.

    Reply

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