Dear Diary,


I used to compare myself to my stay-at-home mom friend Janica. When I went back to work, I no longer had the time to cook and clean on a regular basis, surf the Internet for the latest baby trends or attend Mommy and Me activities. I packed my diaper bag with the bare essentials, not extras. So when Janica and I took our daughters to the zoo, I envied her.  She squeezed germ killer into our hands before we ate lunch–she packed a home cooked meal for her daughter, and I ordered chicken nuggets and fries for mine. She sanitized the table and high chairs and laid out disposable place mats all before I even sat down and said grace.  She also shared her daughter’s snacks.  I packed one type; she had four. Her daughter matched from head to toe and had freshly braided hair. Earlier, I rushed to get my daughter out of the house and put on shoes that kinda, sorta matched and fixed the fly aways on her Afro puff as we waited in line at the admissions gate.


When I expressed my insecurities about not measuring up as a mother to Janica, she put me at ease. She told me she missed being a part of the corporate world and probably envied me at times.  She looked forward to hearing my stories about work and dating. We laughed for being somewhat jealous of each other and wanting to swap places, at least for a little while. We realized that we support each other.  I am her accountability partner and ask her about her business plans.  I invite her to dinner parties, where she can dress up and remember that she’s not only a mom but a woman. I also volunteer to babysit, to give her alone time with her hubby.  She supports me by reminding me that I am a great mom and passing on the latest information about raising babies.  She made me think of five reasons why every working mom needs a stay-at-home bestie.





1. She Volunteers to Babysit 

When I need a sitter at short notice, Janica watched my daughter for an entire day! She even made a home cooked meal of meatballs, macaroni and green beans. Throughout the day, she sent updates and photos to my phone.


Sleep Collage


2. She Didin’t Mind That My Daughter isn’t on a Schedule

When her daughter took a nap, my daughter watched a soap opera.  Janica didn’t mind that my little girl isn’t on a strict schedule and allowed her to eventually fall asleep on the couch instead of the playpen.


3.  She Makes Martha Stewart Look Like an Amateur 

Janica stayed up the night before and cut out shapes for an arts and craft project for the girls. When I picked my daughter




4. She Shares the Latest Toddler Trends

Janica is a wealth of infant information.  She has time to read articles, compare prices and try out the latest toys and products.  As a result, I purchased this stackable snack container.




5. She Reminds You That You Are a Good Mother 

She lets you know that being a good mom is about spending quality time, not a quantity of time, with your child. She’s full of ideas, like this ball play, to have fun with your little one.


Hey DFTM Fam–At the end of the day, whether you are married or single, a career woman or domestic diva, we all love are children and must find ways to support each other in our journey through motherhood! In what ways do you and your mommy friends help each other out?

About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

6 Responses

  1. Hanifah Munadi

    Wow!!! What a fantastic article. Thanks for sharing, Heather. I know some mothers that would love to be home everyday with thir children, but are unable to do so because 2 paychecks are so needed in most families today. To have someone like you are blessed to have for your baby is such a comfort, blessing and peace of mind. That ole African Proverb that says, “It takes an entire village to raise one child”, is so very true.

  2. Christine

    Well I have definitely been on both sides of the “mommy fence”. Coming from the Corporate world where I was tied to my blackberry and laptop, to being a SAHM,they have both had their challenges. But I think the key thing for any mom to remember is to not lose herself or her identity as a “mom”. And I thank God for my girlfriends who keep me grounded, hold me accountable and share their stories with me, and me with them.

    • newmom0608

      Amen! I started this blog when I was a SAHM. I wanted to combine my love for writing and love for my daughter.

  3. Janeane Davis

    Your story reminded me that in motherhood as in so many areas of life we are happier when we do not compare ourselves to others, but compare ourselves to ourselves and look at our improvements.

  4. Joyce@MommyTalkShow

    Whether you work or stay at home, there’s a tendency for moms to feel like we’re not measuring up.
    What I try to remind myself is that my son is happy and healthy. He doesn’t always have the newest toys or name brand shoes, but I make a certain sacrifice to stay home and be his primary caretaker.

    • newmom0608

      So true! Moms can’t compare themselves to each other. We can compare ourselves to ourselves and set personal goals for growth and improvement. And in the meantime, be comfy in our skin–even if it stretched a bit due to carrying another human being inside our bellies!


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