Dating Diary: Before You Forgive Heather Hopson March 6, 2013 Uncategorized 4 Comments (Photo Courtesy: Black Love & Marriage) Recently, a reader reached out to me and asked for advice on how to forgive an ex. I’m not sure if I gave her the answer she wanted, but perhaps my words provided the answer she needed. She thought she forgave the person, but after reading on of my articles on disappointment and distrust, something surfaced. Anger and bitterness lied beneath a fake forgiveness. I shared with her 5 steps I take before I forgive. 1. Realize Forgiveness isn’t a Synonym for Friendship Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you should befriend the person. Make sure you rebuild trust and re-establish boundaries before you reopen your heart and your life to the one who hurt you. 2. Talk to Someone You Respect Seek out advice from a friend or family member. Venting leads to healing. If your anger is consuming however, contact a (qualified)counselor. You’re not crazy if you go to therapy. You’re smart. 3. Reflect on What Went Wrong Although a heartbreaker, home wrecker or backstabber may be to blame, reflect on what went wrong leading up to the offense. Could the situation have been avoided? Did you seek revenge? What could you have done differently? Can you prevent something similar from reoccurring? 4. Don’t Expect Forgiveness in Return You may not think you’re at fault, but you ex may have a long list of reasons why he/she hates you. Hate may be a bit strong. Perhaps they dislike you, resent you or would rather you moved to a different city — in a different time zine. Don’t hold you breath waiting for an apology. 5. Forgive Yourself You may need time. You may need repentance. You may need to learn from your mistakes. But remember to forgive yourself. If God can forgive you, so can you! Hey DFTM Fam — What actions do you take before you forgive someone? 4 Responses Janeane Davis March 15, 2013 Before I forgive someone I always remind myself that just because a person gets forgiven does not mean that person gets restored to the position she had in my life before the incident that made forgiveness necessary. Reply newmom0608 March 16, 2013 That’s smart Janeane, b/c if you didn’t, you may very well be setting yourself up for another disappointment. Reply Myesha March 24, 2013 Thank you again for this article, #4 in particular about not expecting an apology is one I recently realized I had to completely let go. Keep sharing, inspiring, and encouraging other single first time moms. Reply newmom0608 March 28, 2013 You’re welcome! Thank you for supporting the site:) Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.Δ
Janeane Davis March 15, 2013 Before I forgive someone I always remind myself that just because a person gets forgiven does not mean that person gets restored to the position she had in my life before the incident that made forgiveness necessary. Reply
newmom0608 March 16, 2013 That’s smart Janeane, b/c if you didn’t, you may very well be setting yourself up for another disappointment. Reply
Myesha March 24, 2013 Thank you again for this article, #4 in particular about not expecting an apology is one I recently realized I had to completely let go. Keep sharing, inspiring, and encouraging other single first time moms. Reply