Dear Diary,

What is an  episiotomy? Say it with me—uh-pee-zee-ot-uh-mee. I didn’t know how to pronounce that word—heck I didn’t even know the definition—until I was spread eagle on the delivery table. After pushing for two hours, my OBGYN Dr. Robert Thompson and my daughter’s dad discussed it.

You’re going to cut what? My daughter’s dad nodded in agreement. Perhaps he was setting me up! We had broken up, so maybe he wanted to make sure no man would sleep with his ex now and forevermore.

He smiled and told me it was standard procedure. You’d rather be cut than ripped, right? Through a fog, I agreed—heck, they could have cut off my leg to get the baby out. I wasn’t thinking about sex or what would happen to my hoo ha. But come to find out, my ex was right—that’s something I don’t say often, so let’s all pause for a moment to let the words sink in. OK, back to my labor and delivery. Well, I endured an episiotomy. I should get one of those t-shirts made. Maybe it can say, I survived childbirth and an epsiotomy. Sort of like the I Survived Hurricane Ivan memorabilia I bought after living through a category five hurricane that happened five days after I moved to the Cayman Islands. I shouldn’t have been surprised about the surgical procedure. I might be exaggerating, not sure if it’s technically surgery. It took less than a minute to undergo. I wasn’t surprised, because I was a bigheaded baby. My daughter’s dad’s head, well, let’s just say big heads hold big brains! Just joking! But my sister does tease me, saying I had a big ole head as a baby. She even has a professional picture of me leaning on her. She claims she was holding up my head.

Back to the episiotomy—I changed the subject because snipping your lady parts isn’t the most pleasant topic. My mom always said never to run with scissors! I’ll end here and let the professionals define what happens when your baby doesn’t want to come out to play. Check out my interview with Dr. Scissorhands. I mean, Dr. Thompson. At least, he didn’t have slippery hands! He caught my little girl.

Hey DFTM Fam—Did you know what an episiotomy was before you had a baby? Did it scare you or were you prepared? Tweet us @dearmomdiary using #TMITuesdays

About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

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