Interest Collage


Recently, I met a man at a work-related event, who was attractive, articulate and intelligent. Throughout the morning, we locked eyes–each time in an uncomfortable yet intriguing type of way. I tried to focus on the speaker, but my mind kept wandering back to this mysterious man. When the event wrapped up, I lingered near the door, giving him a chance to approach me. He got the hint and sparked a conversation. We exchanged smiles and business cards. I suggested that we grab a cup of coffee if he was in the area again. About a month, several emails and a couple of phone calls later, we connected in person. I viewed it as a meeting–not a date.


Leading up to that day, our interactions were pretty professional. I expected only coffee and conversation. When I arrived, he didn’t ask me about my job but inquired about my ex-boyfriend. He talked about marriage–in general, not specific to me–and asked if I was ready to date again after having a daughter. So I thought to myself, maybe this is more than a shot of espresso rather a shot at dating someone new. But my dating technique was rusty, and I assumed it was a networking opportunity with someone who just wanted to get to know me. The next day, I shared the story with a close male friend, who convinced me that this man most likely wanted more than a business relationship. He pointed out that the guy drove across town in a snow storm to meet for coffee he didn’t drink. He drank water. He then offered to drive me back to my building, which he knew was only a block away. I was still unsure. Interested but unsure.


Time went by and a similar encounter occurred. When we met for drinks, he told me he gave up alcohol for Lent. Acceptable excuse but I now wondered why this man was never fully participating yet engaging. I felt like there was a connection, and after the check came, he suggested that we get together that weekend if he doesn’t go out-of-town. Well, he did, and I didn’t see him for two months, until another work-related function. We talked as usual, but left without making plans to see each other again.


It was confirmed. He wasn’t into me like I thought. But why? I needed an answer, so I launched an online search (a.k.a. Facebook stalking mission). Is it really stalking if you use your powers for good not evil? My friend told me that’s like #4 on a top ten statements stalkers say list. OK, so I virtually stalked someone. Don’t judge. You know you Googled a few folks in your past! At any rate, I discovered he was dating someone–a 25-year-old someone, which is more than a decade our junior. Before I compared myself to a recent college graduate, I asked myself, why it really mattered. He wasn’t into me. Even if he wasn’t into her, that still wouldn’t guarantee he would be into me.


And guess what?  That’s OK!  I didn’t invest much time. I didn’t waste time either, since I met someone new and learned something new. He never crossed the line, disrespected me or lied. Heck, he didn’t have to tell me who and if he dated, and now that I think of it, I don’t think I ever asked! I even initiated some of our interactions. I thought back to my past when I would wonder why an encounter didn’t lead to a date, why a date didn’t blossom into a relationship or why a relationship didn’t progress down the aisle to marriage. Maybe the man is dating someone else, is interested in someone older or wants to land someone richer. Maybe he doesn’t want to date someone with kids. Maybe he doesn’t want to go out with someone of a different race or a different faith. Perhaps the person can’t commit to someone living in a different city. Maybe he isn’t ready to settle down, is still in love with an ex or lives with a woman. Whatever the reason, the result is still the same–the person just isn’t interested in me. But you know what, there will be someone who is!


Hey DFTM Singles-Has this every happened to you? If so, share your story below, and don’t let one experience take away from your greatness and confidence!

About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

7 Responses

  1. Myesha

    I am beyond rusty in the dating area right now but au contraire it does sound like this man was interested in you to in some degree. He may have had other interests in his view but you were right there as well. His priorities like you said at the end may have been why he did not pursue you more purposefully. I have to disagree with you on this one. That interaction did not lead to a formal date or relationship but I believe a spark of interest and attraction was there although it was probably not the future for you. I love your positive outlook on dating keep sharing and telling truths.

    • newmom0608

      We may never know…lol. And it’s OK to be a little rusty. I’m too old to play games and will admit I am not up-to-date with dating techniques. But I will saying being yourself never goes out of style!

      • Myesha

        Very true whether he was interested or not is not important because he was not transparent and explicit in his intents . I hate to use this but it applies so well here , ” ain’t nobody got time for that” lol.

  2. Janeane Davis

    I got married when I was so young and inexperienced I never had this experience. I like your attitude. You met someone, had a few enjoyable interaftions adn decided for a variety of reasons, there was no future for the relationship. You have a great attitude toward relationships.

  3. Arelis Cintron

    I can say I dated a lot and the guys who were interested in me never said anything to me until I was involved with someone else. whenever I would ask why, they’d have some stupid answer. So you don’t really want to know why someone is not interested. Just be happy that it leads you one step closer to the one. He is out there for you! <3

    • firsttimemom

      Exactly! Sometimes it’s about the season you are in. Sometimes I have no reason at all for not wanting to date other than the fact that I am focused on other things, like striving for a particular goal:)


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.