Recently, I hung out with my first true love. You know the one. The guy you would have married if only you met him in your thirties and not your teens or twenties. The one you compared other men to a decade after dating. During our conversation, I revealed that I didn’t like scary movies. As a matter of fact, I hate them. I won’t watch anything starring Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger or other demonic characters capable of giving me nightmares for the rest of the week. I don’t even want the DVDs under my roof, especially after seeing one particular Sid Roth It’s Supernatural episode. My lifelong friend laughed and said, I really know you, but at the same time, I don’t know you at all.

I thought about his words and wondered how often we stop short of getting to really know our significant other. We may know their favorite foods, colors and TV shows. Or perhaps we know their beliefs about education, religion and politics. But if we took time to dig deeper, we may discover something new about our soul mates, which keeps the relationship fresh and exciting. The new knowledge may even lead to falling in love all over again.

Here are several ways to get to know your loved one better.

1. Abstain from Sex

OK, before you stop reading this article, hear me out! If you  remove the sexual aspect of the relationship, you must depend solely on the spiritual, emotional and mental connections. Fasting from sex may expose an area in your relationship that needs a bit more TLC.

2. Learn Each Other’s Love Languages

My love language is Words of Affirmation. So, naturally I like to stroke my man’s ego, remind him why I love him so much and give him unsolicited compliments. But what if that isn’t his love language? My words may stop at his ear and not make it to his heart. He may need physical touch, acts of service, quality time or gifts to feel loved.

3. Play a Game of Questions

As a reporter, I drill dates. Just kidding. Well, kind of. I do ask a lot of question. Guys I’ve gone out with have confessed that have quiet or private personalities but find themselves opening up to me. Make serious and silly inquiries. Ask what their first impression of you was and how accurate it is today. Ask what job they would do if money wasn’t a factor. Ask about their favorite teacher, relative or friend. Inquire about what argument their parents had that he hopes to avoid with you.

4. Reverse Roles

Recently, my co-worker resigned from her job. When I asked what the department would do without her, someone said she didn’t do that much. Well, they didn’t “do that much” to understand her role in the organization. They assumed she didn’t work hard, since she didn’t have what they considered an impressive title. Sometimes we take that attitude home from work to our home. So, if you cook and your partner cleans, reverse roles for a week. Swap chores and relationship responsibilities. This will give you a greater appreciation of what the other person brings to the table and how their duties improve your standard of living.

Hey DFTM Fam–How are you getting to know your spouse/significant other better in 2014?

About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

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