#Naked Moms: Motherhood and Reinvention

When I found out I was pregnant, I cried. I remember locking myself in a stranger’s bathroom, peeing on a plastic strip and boo hooing when I read the results. I didn’t cry, because I didn’t want to become a mother.  I turned on the floodgates, because I didn’t want to be a single mother. My boyfriend at the time, the one who knocked me up, knocked on the door, wanting to know what was wrong when in fact he already knew–our relationship was in the toilet. Getting pregnant just pushed it further down the drain.

I opened the door to my future. A future I never thought I would live. My entire life, I assumed I would be like the girl in the childhood chant–First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes Heather pushing a baby carriage.  But the pink stripe staring back at me remixed a new reality. The sudden change instantly reinvented who I was. Would I no longer be the girl who took trips to Thailand? The girl who spent seven years on a Caribbean Island, sipping champagne, scuba diving and volunteering. The girl who took naps after work, spent too much money on manicures and massages and built a nice nest egg of stocks and savings.

I was no longer that girl. In nine months, I would reinvent myself as someone’s mother. I wouldn’t take a trip–even if it was just to the spa. I wouldn’t drink anything containing alcohol. I would no longer be Heather–the fun, outgoing girl. When I pushed out a person, I pushed my life out of the way. For six months, my child consumed me. Everything I said, read or did was connected to her, like an invisible umbilical cord.  Don’t get me wrong–I absolutely adored her! But I never imagined my life with her. Then suddenly, I couldn’t image my life without her.  Nonetheless, I lost a part of me–a woman. I was no longer Heather. I was only Caitlynn’s mom.

So when I celebrated my daughter’s first six months on earth, I decided to celebrate who I was before she was born. I merged my two loves–journalism and Caitlynn, and launched Diary of a First Time Mom. I also launched landed my dream job–a job I would never have received if I wasn’t a mom. Through my writing, I realized that I didn’t lose myself after all.  I just reinvented who I was, perhaps even changing for the better.  I became more passionate, more creative, more hardworking, more determined. Or maybe I was always those things but didn’t truly realize it until I became the one thing I never planned to be–a mom.

Every month, I’ll be revealing the truth about motherhood with other Mother Writers. This month, our theme was MOTHERHOOD & REINVENTION. Follow the hashtag #NakedMoms, and check out the links below (coming soon!) from the other moms and find out which stories resonate with you the most!