Dear Diary,

I am anti-stereotyping.  When I became a single mother, someone laughed and told me I now had a baby daddy.  Her words made me cringe.  Images of a man wearing a “wife beater” undershirt, drinking a 40 ounce bottle of beer, and yelling, “I ain’t paying some chick child support for her to get her hur and nails did, pay her utility bills, and have some other dude watch premium cable on her new TV,” came to mind.  Yes, that is an EXAGGERATED stereotype to drive home my point.  The majority of single parents I know don’t embody one of those characteristics.  HOWEVER, we do seem to say a lot of similar things at times like moms across America who tell their kids to wear clean underwear in case they are in an accident, to drink some water/go to bed and you’ll feel better, to wash your hands, and the all-time favorite, as long as you live under my roof, you’ll follow my rules.

So, I enlisted comedian Jason Russ to write a list of things single moms say.  He’s a part of the team who brought you the viral video Sh!t Bougie Black Girls Say (He was  the hilarious man, or shall I say woman, in the blonde wig.) Now, he’s DFTM’s first guest blogger swapping single moms stress for smiles.

Girl, I’m so tired!

How many mothers have said this while talking to her girlfriends on the phone? I remember my mother calling me on her lunch and telling me that when she got off work, she would go food shopping.  Later, she would come home, take her shoes off, sit down, and never go to the grocery store. The average day can make any person tired beyond belief. But imagine if your average day included waking yourself up for work (which is tough enough,) waking your child up and getting them ready for school (which makes waking yourself up a walk in the park,) having a long day at work, with the reward of coming home to a child with more energy than Sonic the Hedge Hog. My mother had a good solution to this: she would tell me to go play and lock me out of the house. As a child, I thought I had the best mother in the world, only to find out that this was her way to get the rest that she needed and deserved.  I was never put on punishment. The thought of putting me on punishment was punishment to my mother. There is no better joy to a mother than being around their child and being able to nurture them and see them grow. But every now and then, mama has to send baby boy away to a two-week summer camp for some me time when she says, “Gurl, I’m so tired!”

She bet not be around my child

By now most of you know that moms are very protective of their children. We also know that mama didn’t make that baby on her own, which gives me the perfect opportunity to plug-in single fathers.  Yes, single fathers, the most over populated creature in America. As we know, daddy got a life too.  And with judges typically granting the majority of custody to mommy, dad has more time to go out, and he doesn’t have to hire a babysitter to do so.  With this social life, the father usually lands at some happy hour where he meets his next relationship —someone you might not be so fond of. The thought of your child being around this new person in their father’s life can make your blood boil. There could be no feelings whatsoever for the father, but once you meet his new girlfriend Shanaynay, you wish they had a restraining order for these cases. What about another situation when your child’s father drops your kid over his mother’s house that is known to give kids shots of Hennessy to get them to go to bed early? In these situations, you will generally hear the phrase, “She better not be around my child!” Who we have in our children’s lives are very critical to their development. Once your little princess builds a strong relationship with Shanaynay you better believe she will master the phrase, “Oh no he didn’t!”

 I don’t do baby mamas

The pot calling the kettle black would be an understatement in this situation, but the thought of dating someone with kids can sometimes scare even a team of Avengers away. Picture the Incredible Hulk having to balance time between being a father to his kid and being a loving boyfriend, all while trying to get good reports from his job, which is to save the world. That’s enough stress to turn any average human into a 20 foot tall green crime fighting machine. The life of a single mother is tough as it is, and the thought of potentially dating a man who has Tami from Basketball Wives as a baby mama can add another level of stress that you are not willing to deal with. The dating life of a single mother has challenges. Single mothers must watch who they bring into their families lives.  Is he a good man?  Is he good with kids?   Will he be a positive male figure in my child’s life? These questions go into deep consideration when choosing a mate. There is a certain level of stress that can come with dating a man with children just as there are with childless men. Men with no children can be used to dating woman without children which means they are used to a woman’s full attention and the thought of sharing time with your child can put a mother in uncompromising situations. But a dating a man who is having a hard time sharing you with your kids isn’t that bad I guess. It could be worse. You could be dating mama’s boy.