Dear Diary,

I was nervous about breastfeeding before I had my daughter Peyton.  I heard so many stories about women not being successful at nursing; I was scared I wouldn’t be able to.  Boy was I wrong.  The day after I had Peyton, the milk started flowing like a river.  I had to start pumping in the hospital.  The lactation specialist called me a Milk Goddess.

I produced more milk than Peyton was consuming so I exclusively pumped.  My daughter’s pediatrician suggested that I feed her directly from the breast for the first three weeks and then start to give her the milk in the bottle.

I literally felt like a cow.  I would feed my daughter and then pump.  I had to do this every three hours.  I was milking around the clock.

I returned to back to work after three months and continued to pump. It was a lot of work but I’m happy I kept it up. I continued to pump until my daughter was seven-months-old.  One day, I just couldn’t continue to pump anymore.  I guess I was just burned out.  The milk was still coming full force but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I would stay engorged if I didn’t pump on time. I wore breast pads, so no leaking in public, but still I proceeded to do what I could to dry it up.

This may sound selfish but I felt like my mental health was at stake.

Breastfeeding consumed me and stressed me out at the same time. Washing all the tools and supplies and pumping took up the majority of my day, and I worked full time.  I may have stopped pumping but I still had a wonderful stash of milk!

I’m happy to say that my daughter lived on breast milk for three months after I stopped pumping. She wasn’t introduced to formula until she was 10-months-old.

I look at my breast feeding story as a success. Everyone is different and I did the best I could. I encourage all mothers to at least try.  You may not have the same results as other women, but at least you tried!

Trina is a wife, mom, and fashion-obsessed shopaholic, and the creator of the mom and baby fashion blog, Baby Shopaholic. You can follow Trina and her daughter on adventures in fashion on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

About The Author

#Chocolate Milk

Throughout August, in celebration of National Breastfeeding Awareness Month, Diary of a First Time Mom will publish a new nursing story each day, written by 31+ black mom bloggers. DFTM Creator Heather Hopson asked each blogger to submit a personal breastfeeding story, and they immediately emailed their experiences—both good and bad. They wrote about everything from allergies and ignorance to pumping and working. Heather curated this collection to educate other African-American women about breastfeeding. That way, they will be armed with information to make a decision. Heather hopes you will join the movement on Twitter. Follow @dearmomdiary and the participants. You can check the #ChocolateMilk blogger ambassador list! Be sure to tweet using #ChocolateMilk. And don’t forget to share your story by clicking on Breastfeeding→ Lactation Nation on the menu bar above. Meanwhile, let us know in the comment box below why you nursed—or didn’t.

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