(Photo Courtesy: Yardlink 254)


Dear Diary,


As I continue my adventures in dating, I met a male model. Not the “I’m really a waiter by day” model, but the “I’m signed to an international agency , ripping runways and gracing billboards” model. I was blown away by his sparkling smile, smooth skin, piercing eyes and overall goodness. It took a second to concentrate on the words coming out of his mouth. He, too, focused on outer appearances and gave me countless compliments. When he introduced me to his crew, his cousin commented that if I wasn’t pretty, his model relative would definitely get an earful. I smiled and said that pretty isn’t enough. That you have to have substance under the surface. I remembered a joke my aunt told me. When you’re in your twenties, you date someone for their looks. In your thirties, you look for personality. And in your forties, you want someone who is financially secure. I laughed and said, perhaps there’s a man who is all three! Although the model is more than a pretty face–he’s actually pretty funny on dates–kjmI wondered why women let looks distract them at times. I’ve been guilty of this in my past. No matter your age, a good-looking guy gets away with more dirt than the average Joe. So, I thought of five expectations you should still set when dating gorgeous guys.


1. Don’t be a Beck & Call Chick

Don’t be overly available for a man who won’t fit you into his schedule. For instance, does he want you to fly out for a visit but won’t take you on a date when he’s in your town? Does he take you on fake dates? In other words, when you get together, are other people along for drinks? Does he only ask you out for coffee, because he’s still deciding if he should pay for a real meal? Of course, economic times are tough, but there are tons of fun and free activities to enjoy, like taking a walk in the park or going to the museum. Just don’t drop everything and change your plans, because he happens to call or text (See #3). Good looks aren’t enough to take a 15 hour Megabus trip to see someone!


2. Don’t Negotiate Your Non-Negotiables


I know negotiables isn’t really a word, but hear me out. One of my male friends always gives this advice to women in our circle. If you are adamant against dating someone with children, don’t. Don’t waste someone’s time when you are uninterested in signing for the entire package. Don’t believe the hype. There are lots of Black men without children, so don’t date one with kids if you won’t accept them. Unless they are put up for adoption, they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Likewise, if your religious rules are something you won’t bend, don’t go out with someone who never goes to church, or reads the Bible if you’re in the choir, and on several committees. I’m not saying not to be open-minded. But I am saying if you know there are things you absolutely won’t reconsider, don’t change your views for a moment, for a good ““looking guy. Trust me, you won’t change your core over time. My sister made up an analogy once about non-negotiables. If someone gives you a plate with mushrooms, peppers, onions and meatballs but no noodles, you aren’t eating spaghetti.

As mentioned in previous articles, I’m anti too much technology. I love email, social media and cell phones, but I try to strike a healthy balance between my devices. If a man wants to talk to you, he’ll pick up the phone and call! It’s OK to text a question, or a quick line or two, but when you can’t remember what the guy’s voice sounds like and your fingers are developing callouses, there’s a problem. You shouldn’t hold every conversation with texts, or instant messages. Communication is key!


4. Have Fun!

Not everyone you meet is your husband. But, you have to date to get down the aisle. Well, unless there’s an arranged marriage or divine intervention. So, get in a little practice and interact with the opposite sex. That doesn’t mean you have to have sex! But then again, you’re grown. Don’t let others judge you, because chances are they aren’t living up to the standards they’re setting for your life. Dating is a great way to make new friends, travel and live life to the fullest.


5. Get a Confidence Boost

Back to the model at the beginning of this article. He thought I was sexy BECAUSE I was a mom, compared me to Jane Kennedy and loved the things I am a bit self-conscious of concerning my body. I always had healthy self-esteem and never chased compliments. But nonetheless, knowing that I went out with one of America’s sexiest bachelors (Not just my opinion, was actually written up about him”…lol), I felt good. I didn’t date for a year, to heal from a breakup and focus on my new baby girl, so it’s a big boost to my confidence to know I won’t have trouble getting a date in the future!


Take my advice for what it’s worth! My father thinks it’s hilarious that I give relationship advice when I’m single. I tell him that I choose to be single. There’s a difference”…lol.

Hey DFTM members–what would you add to the list?

About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

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