Dear Diary, My entire life I was taught to get married first and have sex second. Obviously, that didn’t play out. Nonetheless, I always associated sex with guilt. I felt guilty for committing a sin and for fornicating with someone who wasn’t my husband. I felt like I somehow blocked my blessings in life, because I wasn’t following my mom’s instructions or God’s for that matter. Although I do believe sex is meant for certain situations, I carried a sense of shame, like I was a failure because I couldn’t abstain as long as I had hoped. Even within a committed, monogamous relationship, I was never 100 percent comfortable with sex. Yes, it was enjoyable–even amazing at times. But it was still a cardinal sin. Sex before marriage isn’t really acceptable, especially within the Black church. Yet, instead of educating young girls–and boys–on why they should put off intimacy, the finger is always waved and the fist of judgement is often pounded. It wasn’t until I had sex after baby that my experience changed. While many moms say sex was better before baby, my sex life improved. It got better in part because I no longer wore a veil of shame. In fact, everyone saw where the sun doesn’t shine. And I was comfortable, stretch marks and somewhat sagging nursing breasts and all. I knew that sex wasn’t as bad as I thought. That my baby was part of God’s plan for my life. Now, I’m sure life may have been a bit easier–emotionally and financially–if I gave birth beside a loving, supportive husband. But that wasn’t the case. I was still forgiven and blessed abundantly. The next time around, I would like to do things differently, for various reasons. Yes, marriages sometimes end in divorce, but I still believe in the institution, rather the covenant between a man, woman and God. Funny, I spoke to one of my close friends this week, and she said she too had a mental block when it came to sex and orgasms, which eventually disappeared months into her marriage. But one thing is for certain, sex after baby for this mom got a whole lot more interesting. I sat down with my friends Dr. Drai to find out if sex after baby gets better or worse for most moms. Hey DFTM Fam–Got questions about sex, pregnancy or intimacy? Tweet @DrDaiOBGYN. Be sure to use our hashtag in your messages #TMITuesdays 3 Responses Krystle Lindsey January 5, 2016 This is a great video with helpful information. We need more conversations like this. Reply Heather Hopson January 9, 2016 Yes! Society makes sex such a taboo topic. Just because people don’t talk abut it doesn’t mean they’re not doing it. The more we know, the more we can make wise decisions or get the support/advice we need. Reply MJ January 5, 2016 Great video. LOL at that watermelon. I didn’t push one of those out but post c-section, sex was the furthest thing from my mind and now almost 8 months later it still is. I learned something new about breastfeeding and libido! I’m sure that’s part of my issue plus exhaustion and parenting on my own 95% of the time due to my hubs work schedule. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.