(Photo Courtesy: Niecy Nash)


One Super Bowl Sunday, I put on my Pittsburgh Steelers sweats and was ready to root my hometown team to victory with my long-term boyfriend (and baby-to-be’s father).  We previously RSVP’d  to attend a friend’s football party, but when I called to confirm a time, he told me he had plans to watch the game at a get together hosted by an ex-girlfriend—without me. Although I knew our relationship was rocky, the news hit hard, as if a 300-pound lineman had tackled me. Before I got up, he dumped me over the telephone. In shock, I drove to his house to find out why my contract wasn’t being renewed. I then went to the party by myself to share the story with my cheerleaders–my best friends since middle school. We figured my daughter’s dad and I would reunite and work things out as we always did for nearly three years.


That never happened. Instead, he married someone else the weekend of our daughter’s first birthday. Looking back, I’m not surprised by the outcome of the game, since we ignored red flags and pink elephants on the field. The clock ran out, and we were too tired to go into overtime.  I’m no longer bitter or angry about our fate, in part because I didn’t date for more than a year.


But now I’m back in the game as a free agent. Recently, I got advice from a relationship coach, or shall I say comedienne? I caught up with Niecy Nash to ask her about her new book It’s Hard to Fight Naked. Here are my three takeaways.


The Takeaway: Moms Should Date Someone Other Than Their Children.


The Game Plan: Niecy told me, “I was divorced after 16 years and had three children. The fact that I was able to get a do over, I learned a lot of stuff. I wanted my friends to have this same good thing, you know. And a lot of them were divorced and just sitting on the sidelines raising their children, just waiting to get them out of the door. And I’m like, ‘No girl, don’t wait! Get a man now, so that when the kids go to school, you got something to do…At the core, I feel like the thing we struggle with the most is the thing we were created for, and that’s love.” If you worry about body image post-pregnancy, I read that Niecy  “just got a tight pair of Spanx and got back out there.”


The Takeaway: Be With Someone Who Makes Your Life Better.


The Game Plan: When asked about her three top dating tips, she told me, “Be what you want to see, because you will inevitably attract what you are. Number two I would say, date for your priorities not your preference. (Fine ain’t going to do nothing if those bills aren’t paid!) And number three, you gotta get creative if you want to keep a man out of the streets and in your sheets.”


The Takeaway: Expand Your Boundaries for Meeting Men


The Game Plan:  Before Niecy met and married her husband Jay Tucker, she signed up for several Internet dating sites, such as, Black People Meet and Christian Singles. While trying to find a match, Niecy played the of a matchmaker–not on television but in real life. She set her best friend Sheri Shepherd up with Lamar Salley, and a year later the two were married.


Hey DFTM Fam: What’s the best dating advice you every received? When you were benched by a breakup, how did you get back in the game?

About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

2 Responses

  1. Myesha

    After not dating after a year and six months I allowed myself to reconnect with a old friend and I felt empowered by going on a date and truly connecting with him. I’m not sure what the future holds but it felt good to simply connect with a man I trust and respect.

    • firsttimemom

      Yes! Trust and respect is key. Also, a foundation of friendship, what is often missing nowadays in the rush to the alter.


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