Father Collage

Dear Diary,


When I first became a single mom, I thought it was my duty to facilitate a relationship between my daughter and her father. I made her available for visits, made suggestions for fun activities and made a point to voice my opinion often—even when it wasn’t requested. I worried that my little girl wouldn’t develop the same strong bond with her father that I had with my dad who lived under the same roof. Then I realized that I had to let go—let go of my definition of an ideal family and let go of my fears for the future. I had to let their friendship form with or without me. Here’s what I decided to do instead.


I realized what he thinks about me doesn’t determine what he feels about our daughter.
There have been times when my daughter’s dad loved me. Other times when he hated me—well, maybe strongly disliked me. And vice versa. But how we feel about each other doesn’t change his love for our child. It’s a separate, loving relationship.


I did for my daughter’s dad what I wanted him to do for me.
It took a big pair of big girl panties one day to offer my ex our daughter’s first picture she painted in her toddler program. I think it was a personal test to do unto others what I wanted them to do unto me. My art gallery, um, my refrigerator, was covered with art projects, so I thought it was best to share the keepsake.


Read my additional advice for single moms celebrating Father’s Day on Mommy Noire and let us know how you’re celebrating Father’s Day this year.



About The Author

Vlog Mom/DFTM Creator

Not long ago, Heather Hopson hosted a television show in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's back home writing a different kind of story as a new mom. In her 15 years working as a professional journalist, this by far is her best assignment! Growing up, she dreamed of becoming Oprah Winfrey. She was the features editor for her school’s newspaper and a teen talk show host for her city’s most popular radio station. She went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Journalism from Michigan State University. After graduation, she worked as a television producer and reporter at CBS, NBC and Fox affiliates throughout the U.S. Instead of heading to Chicago to join Ms. Winfrey on her set, she bought a plane ticket to the Cayman Islands instead. She arrived five days before a category five hurricane! She lived in paradise for seven years, hosted an award-winning television show and traveled the globe with a government delegation. She also served on the board of directors for Big Brothers Big Sisters and spearheaded a Send a Kid to Camp campaign. Then, she relocated to Washington, D.C. to obtain a teaching certification and instruct 8th grade reading at a high needs middle school. She later returned to her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA to raise her daughter Caitlynn, now 4-years-old. During her 10-month-stint as a stay-at-home mom, Caitlynn inspired her to create this blog, and Diary of a First Time Mom was born on Mother’s Day 2012. Two years later, she expanded the family to include 20+ writers. Currently, Heather serves as the communications director at Allies for Children. In addition, she is the owner of Motor Mouth Multimedia, which ranked #49 in Startup Nation’s Home-Based 100 Competition sponsored by Discover Card and Sam’s Club. Recently, The Pittsburgh Foundation and The Heinz Endowments selected Heather to receive an Emerging Black Artist award to develop Diary of a First Time Mom.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.